COVID-19 is a pretty nasty virus that can have some really horrible affects on people and this nation as a whole. All four of us contracting this virus really rocked our world; however, I cannot say that I wished it would have never happened to us. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason.
And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. Romans 8:28
Saturday, December 12th Mark finally came home to us! I was so excited but he was not fully recovered. He still had a lot of recovering to do and he was so different. He was on oxygen, he was still coughing a lot, he always seemed tired and he was unusually cold. People were still coming by to help with me, with the kids, cooking, and cleaning. People were cooking and bringing food along with groceries. We were getting financial help from church and different churches that we didn’t even know and also friends and people that we don’t even know. That was a huge help because we didn’t know how we were going to make it in the near future. Mark still had recovering to do and the world as I knew it was about to change.
On Monday December 14th, two days after Mark came home, I started going to therapy (physical, occupational, & speech) where my new neurologist sent me. Stephanie was the one who was bringing me to therapy because Mark still could not drive and be around a lot of people. I was kind of nervous because I had never been to speech therapy before. First I saw a physical therapist and she asked me what were my goals and I was like well I don’t know. I remember telling her that Mark did so much for me and that I really wasn’t using enough of my own muscles and that I would like to build the strength up in my legs and work on my truck control because after having two children I didn’t have any core strength left. Next I had to see the occupational therapist named Elizabeth. I will never forget her, she really seemed to put more into my visits than most therapists have done in the past. She explained things about my disease and how it affected my body, things that I didn’t even know. Last on my list was to go see the speech therapist. We talked but she had to ask what I was saying often and I had a major problem with being too quiet and my voice trailing off. I remember breaking down and crying because I was telling her about my sister and how she had the same disease but her speech was so bad that even I couldn’t understand her and my main goal was to not get like that. My main goal with all three of the therapies was that I was thrust in a situation where I was being dependent on other people and I wanted to be able to do more by myself and if God forbid something were to happen to Mark again then things would hopefully not be so hard. One of the main things I was saying to each one of the therapists was that Mark would do that for me. The main reason that I know of is because he didn’t want to see me struggling. So in my laziness I would just let him do whatever for me.
Anyway that was the initial visit so there wasn’t a lot of work just a lot of talking and they scheduled me for twice a week. So after Stephanie and I left we stopped at a PJs on the way home and I got a white hot chocolate! So yummy! And Stephanie told me that when we went to therapy that would be my treat with her to get a hot chocolate on the way home, because I was working so hard. I enjoyed going to therapy twice a week because it was not only getting me out of the house but I was working on becoming more independent.
Stephanie and I had some of our best conversations on the way to and from therapy. We talked about kids, the Bible, Mark’s recovery, and me and my future. I remember telling her how guilty I felt about Mark ending up in the hospital. I felt like if he was not trying to take care of me, that he wouldn’t have gotten so bad. She made me feel better but I will probably always carry around a piece of that guilt. I also remember her telling me when Mark first went in the hospital and Stephanie came over to my house that Mark called one morning and I was still sleeping. Mark told Stephanie that he didn’t want her to wake me up but he just wanted to hear my voice one more time. That about tore me up, but come to think of it most of our conversations usually ended with me in tears! Lol
I continued on with therapy and it seemed to be really helping and I could see myself getting stronger and learning better ways to communicate with speech. It was getting close to Christmas and we had no time to get a tree or really many gifts for the kids but my best friend and a group of our other friends took care of us for Christmas! Christmas morning was just the four of us and even though Mark was still on oxygen, and he was still trying to do way more than he needed, it was a nice mellow Christmas morning with our girls. Despite all of this COVID crap, we were extremely blessed by so many friends and family! I just cannot express how humbled and grateful I am for all the love and support we got during that rough time.
Therapy was going well and Mark was getting so much stronger but right before the end of the year, Stephanie and I were dealt with a pretty big blow at therapy. At the end of therapy one afternoon, one of the ladies that worked there followed us outside and told us that the owner of the building was closing the physicals therapy part at the end of January. What the heck? We were devastated, just when we had finally found a therapy place with therapists who seemed to invest their time and energy to helping me, they close in the middle of my hard work. I was really bummed but in the end not so much because I had learned so much and I felt that I had the motivation to keep doing the work. I had physical therapy after I broke my hip and that was in 2008. Then in 2009 when I was pregnant with Maggie I went to get stronger. Then after I had Maggie I went back. Then when I was I pregnant with Sofia in 2016 I did therapy in the Neuro gym. So from 2016 to 2020, I didn’t have anything and every single time that I went to therapy I was given several copied pages of exercises that I needed to do at home and I very meticulously put them in a folder and stuck them in a drawer and never looked at them again. I know that was pretty stupid of me. But this time it was so different and I really feel that God told me that I am giving you this opportunity again and I shouldn’t blow it! It wasn’t that I didn’t want to get stronger before but I guess I always had in the back of my mind well Mark will always be here and I’m sure I will pass on first, but obviously that is not always the case. I remember having one of those famous conversations between me and Stephanie on our way to and from therapy, and she told me that I have so many reasons to live and be around and that I need to continue working on my exercises.
My pastors wife Lori, asked me a month or so after we returned to church if therapy was really helping and would I ever walk again. My answer to her was yes therapy is benefiting me a lot and no I will probably never walk again. My youngest daughter asks me all the time because she sees me working out all the time and in her innocence she wants to know when I am going to walk again. That is so hard to answer a young child, but my answer to her is no, the only one who can make me walk again is God. So if you want to know when I will walk again then you need to ask God. People are so funny, they think if you are going to therapy, then you are going to be made whole again. That is such an illusion. I was going to therapy to simply improve the quality of my life. I am continuing to exercise to just keep my body moving. I am doing that because I do not want to end up lying in the bed and letting everyone take care of me. I know what will happen to me because of my disease but I am not succumbing to those shortcomings. I have faith that God will heal me in his timing!
Even though I have received such wonderful revelations from God. So to keep me from becoming proud, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger from Satan to torment me and keep me from becoming proud. Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:7-10 NLT
So Mark finally came off of the oxygen around the beginning of January. And probably around the second week of January he started driving again and bringing me to therapy. He was working really hard to lower his blood sugar by eating right and walking. We started going back to church at the beginning of February, and then Mark started going back to worship practice. The first time that he went he was playing awesome. So on Valentine’s Day was his first day back on stage at church and he had a solo! I swear it is like God gave him a new set of lungs! That was the one thing that I kept thinking when he was in the hospital; when he gets better, will he ever be able to worship the Lord with his saxophone? Well I got my answer on February 14, 2021! I swear he is getting better than ever!!!
At the end of January, Neurocovery in Covington was closing and I walked out of there or rolled out of there with so many presents to use for my exercises at home! I was thrilled about that but I was really bummed that I was being moved to St Tammany. I was most upset because I was leaving Elizabeth and the other therapists that helped me so much and taught Mark how to help me with my exercising. It was funny because when Stephanie and I were first told about them closing, Stephanie said to me, “It’s okay we’ll follow Elizabeth and get the rest wherever she is!” It was probably in the third week of February that things finally got situated and I started therapy at St Tammany, speech and physical therapy went well because I had a better handling on what my goals were. I cannot say the same for occupational therapy. It just wasn’t the same. I really liked Elizabeth from Neurocovery so much and she had such a better grasp on what someone with my disability could do or ways to help. At St Tammany the first da, the occupational therapist was doing an assessment on me and she asked me to touch each of my fingers to my thumb on each hand.👌 So I did it and very slowly because that just wasn’t very easy for me anymore. And she said, “Oh you can do it, you’re just slow at it!” And I was thinking but didn’t say anything (of course I can do it, you idiot, I’m slow because I have a disability affecting my appendages!”)! I swear some people need to think before they speak! 🙄 When I went to schedule the appointments, and that took another two weeks, I made sure to not schedule with her and I scheduled with an older lady named Rosie. She was so much better but still not like Elizabeth.
So onto speech! Things were good at Neurocovery with speech but I felt like I got way more practice, exercises, ways me to help me while communicating at St Tammany. I learned a lot about using breath support and how it is imperative while speaking. I actually have been able to talk on the phone and not have people constantly ask what did I say, I didn’t understand you, or could you repeat that. That got so old and frustrating and I had gotten to the point where I just would leave all phone conversations to Mark. Well obviously when Mark was in the hospital I had to do the inevitable. But I’m not going to rehash that because I talked about that in part one. Anyway things got way better but I still, out of habit and on occasion, leave it to Mark to talk on the phone. I am however able to speak with people at church and they can actually hear me fine and carry on a conversation. I just cannot say how much of a huge relief that is for me. It takes practice and constant work but I am trying to keep it up. I finally found my voice and I don’t know why it went on hiatus but I got it back!
The best thing that I took away from therapy was all of the exercises that I learned and seeing my own improvements and that is not the only thing that gives me motivation but knowing that it is very important for my body and well being. I am currently doing a hand pedaling machine mainly for cardio but I do that for about 24 minutes before my arm workout 3 days a week. And my arm and wrist work out which consist of seven different exercises which I have now worked up to three sets of 10 or two sets of 15 with three pound weights. My leg and core exercises consist of about 8 different core and leg exercises with two sets of 15 and using resistance bands with some of those for the other three days a week. There’s little ones that I do also. It’s sad to think about and I’m not trying to be ugly but seeing how bad off my sister is gives me more motivation to keep it up so I don’t face the inevitable so quick and I have two daughters that I want to be around for with not being gorked out in the bed.
So using my wheelchair has been a difficult decision for me. I know people are under the impression not that I have this terminal disease but that I am just a girl in the wheelchair. But up until Mark went into the hospital, I have not used my wheelchair in my house. It was really a thorn in my side and a constant reminder that I have this disease. And yes I have posted on Facebook that I am thankful for my disease, but the truth is that I am more thankful for it now. I feel like if I never had this then I wouldn’t be where I am today and with the husband I have and with the two children I have and I definitely do not see myself as coming to Christ as I have. So for all that time before Mark got sick, I would never use the wheelchair in the house and usually not in other people’s houses because if I were in it, I thought that I would be seen as a lesser person. Yeah that may be crazy but crazier things have gone on in my head. 🤣 So when Mark went in the hospital, we started using my walker and wheelchair to get me around the house. I had a moment and I felt like I was putting too much on Mark and I had to start contributing more to my household. I contribute but I felt like it was not enough and I also felt like I didn’t have the kind of husband wife relationship that I should have because I felt like he was just taking care of me. Everything needed to change and it started changing when I started therapy. So when I started therapy I was using my wheelchair all the time and I would rarely get out of it. It wasn’t until toward the end of therapy at Neurocovery that I started to notice changes in my body. My core was getting stronger and my upper body was getting stronger and more controled. I noticed changes with my legs but not near as fast. The therapists at Neurocovery were trying to get me a motorized wheelchair. But the truth was I really did not want it because I felt like (besides the fact that my kids would play on it) if I had the ability to use my arms to get around, then having a motorized wheelchair would make me lazy and the strength that I had already gained and am continuing to gain in my upper body would waste away. So it has taken 6 months to get ahold of the people who manufactured the wheelchair that I have now and they are modifying it to suit my needs better. And I absolutely cannot wait!
My therapy ended in June 2021 but my journey is not over. I try and work out at least five times a week but mostly six times a week. I am continually working to build my strength. Mark is doing absolutely amazing. And eating right and lowering his blood sugar and working out and doing strength training and it’s only helping us both. He has no residual health issues from COVID-19 but he has lost more hair (not a big deal) and he has some short-term memory loss (not a major deal either). I cannot be happier with his improvements and mine. This is a verse that has gotten me through many trials in my life and this is a huge one.
For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.
Jeremiah 29:11 NLT
The four of us having and dealing with covid-19 was a really scary thing, but I can honestly say that I am forever grateful for this trial in our lives because it was a huge eye opener for us. At the ripe old age of 44 I am a much happier person. I am content for the most part with my body and my life in general. We still struggle with finances and probably always will but that is just a part of life and I’ve come to pretty much accept it. I still have those days where I am frustrated with my situation but then again I am human. The most frustrating thing that I encounter is mainly when I am trying to get somewhere or put something up and there is obstacles in my way. That is really frustrating and when I want to be alone there always seems to be someone there. But then again that is life. So you know what they say, when life gives you lemons make lemonade! God knew what was going to happen and I will forever be grateful for this huge obstacle in our lives!!!